Sangeeta Majumder

Childhood is known as the most beautiful stage of life. It is free from all kinds of worldly care. Good physical, mental and emotional health of a child ensures a good life in adulthood. But psychological trauma occurred in childhood when remain untreated can create havoc later in adultlife. Deeply scarred wounds at the emotional level remains in the subconscious mind of the child and can control adult relationships in future. A person might feel clueless, not knowing the reason of his failed or unstable relationships. Over the years different studies has shown that the childhood trauma has a great affect on developing unhealthy attachment style resulting in unstable relationships in future.

The psychological traumas which a child had went through can cause him to grow different coping mechanisms which may appear later in life as sabotaging relationships. Because of the traumas a child has gone through, he may fail to learn healthy attachment style which is the root of all relationship problem. It becomes harder for them to regulate feelings and emotions even in their adult life. Therefore they fail to form healthy and stable relationships. There can be several reasons for the trauma.A child may get exploited physically,mentally or emotionally during childhood.The primary caregiver of a child may remain absent in times of need and fail to provide necessary needs and safety for the child. There can be incidents of loosing parent or close family members which can also scar the child’s mind. As a result the child can grow fear of abandonment in adult life, which means being afraid that the person you are in a relationship with whether it’s your friend or partner, will leave you.This makes the person paranoid and suspicious and also controlling in nature. Then comes fear of commitment which is being afraid of commitment in a relationship. Other problems include people pleasing behaviour, trust-issues and so on. These are sometimes very normal to have in a relationship but it becomes problem when the fear ruins the relationship and becomes toxic but still the person can not control the fear.

All these problematic behaviours that the person shows was once his coping mechanisms to survive. Though the coping mechanisms once helped the child survive but it is of no help in adultlife. In fact it sabotages the relationships later.

A child has no control of the trauma that he has gone through. But seeking help through therapy and being mindful about the thoughts and own actions in adult life can help unlearn the coping mechanisms and stop them from interfering with his adult life.

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